My good friend told me the other day that you haven't officially quit until it's been one year. Okay. Well in that case, I'm 1/12 of the way there. But in my opinion, I have quit. I'm done. There's no need to go back at this point and I won't.
Before I started quitting, I had heard from a few people throughout my life that I'm very strong-willed. To be honest, I never held much stock in this opinion. I suppose I thought myself too lazy and careless to really stand up and DO something when I had wanted to, so I just let things slide and lived a below-average life. Yes, I said that.
There have been so many instances in my past where I have lied to myself and to others to hide that the reality of things has been somewhat bleak. I think that's a hard thing for anyone to avoid doing because for some reason, we're constantly in defense of our own actions, whether or not we know them to be good or bad.
Conclusion: I'm not going to try to make excuses for myself. I'm not going to blame anyone else for something that I have the will to change OR for a monster that I may have created in the first place. I will continue to purge myself of bad habits/bad people/things that I have no further use for in my life (i.e. I took four huge boxes of clothes to the Salvation Army the other day and, whoa, guess what? I don't miss them.)
I figured out in all of this that I AM lazy, but not in the way that I had previously thought. I'm lazy in the respect that I do not have the energy to deal with petty things and with things that only hold me back. So this is the first (large) step of many. If you ever find yourself stuck in a rut, my suggestion is to quit a bad habit. From my short experience in this, it opens so many doors and forces one to be honest with themselves. Progress is good and as I'm growing older, I'd like the benefit of growing up as well.
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