Day Two.

Okay, so I quit smoking. I've decided to blog about it. In my mind, I've quit for now. Also in my mind: I've quit forever. I decided to blog about it to keep my progress in check.

Today is day two. We've almost reached the 48 hour mark. Today was rough/odd and this is how it went.

Wake up. Get ready for work. Everything is normal so far. It's a Monday and I'm drinking coffee and trying to make it to work on time. For me, on time is 15-30 minutes early. If I'm not that early, I'm late in my mind.

After pulling myself together, get into car (which, if you don't know me, is the first decent car I've owned in my life. Beyond decent. It's a beautiful/perfect vehicle. It's a Ford Escape, so I'm not over-bragging. It's practical and lovely. Yes, I have actually kissed this car. I have also smoked in it.)

Drive. 45+ minutes to a job that I am (seriously) grateful to have. First barrier of the day. I smoke at least one cigarette on my way to work. I managed. Thankfully, I had my friend to talk to me and "distract" me. Something I've learned already, 48 hours into my smoke-free life: there are no distractions. You just figure out how to crave a cigarette and make conversation/hear conversation simultaneously.

Work. Irritation with people who feel entitled. Look at my schedule to view my break. Realize that, at this point, there is no mental release for me during my break. Just, for 15 minutes, I don't have to pretend that some entitled-feeling piece of shit is right. I don't like sweets of any sort, particularly. So what am I going to replace my normal break with? Guess I'll just go out with my friends who do smoke and see how torturous that is... It's not. I survived. As you would assume I would.

Work. Work. Work. I decided to "distract" (remember, distracting doesn't really happen) myself with an old issue of Glamour and my notebook. Time seems to be flying, mostly because I have a headache that forces me to focus on nothing BUT the headache. I realize, during my breaks, that without smoking, my breaks are really long and within my breaks lies a lot of possibility. For today, the possibility just lies with me sitting at my desk, occasionally retreating to the restroom or the vending machine or downstairs to the public computers (where we can check our personal emails and/or other websites that require a personal login.) I call these public computers the H1N1 computers. I'm certain there's no way they can't be disease-ridden.

By the way, before I go any further, I bought some Nicorette gum this weekend. I thought that it might be the perfect thing to chew on when I found myself getting irritable. Mind you, the informational packet included in the box of Nicorette advises that one chew (brace yourself, because I personally found this to be absurd) 9-12 pieces a day. It gets worse. For 12 weeks. Do you realize that my health flex plan would have been eaten alive by this? I still want new contacts/glasses/dental work beyond the yearly exam. I decided to go with the original plan to only chew it when I feel agitated.

The workday concludes. This is the part that I normally think, "Soon, I will be outside and I will be smoking a cigarette on my way to my car." Nope. At this point, I decide to chew my first piece of Nicorette. Because I seriously want to injure the people that I work with. Which is not good, considering I adore the people I work with. No sarcasm. I work with people of whom I thoroughly, honestly enjoy. Gum time.

Drive 45+ minutes home from a job that I am (seriously) grateful to have. Again, I so lucky to have a job that I, for the most part, enjoy showing up for daily. I talk to my mom to "distract" me once again from smoking. I talk to my other friend as a "distraction". It worked again. Even though it was not really a true distraction.

Home. Time to cut my friends hair. My friend who always generously brings beer to drink while I'm cutting his hair. Usually, following the haircut, we sit outside and chat and drink said beer and I smoke. This time, there is a slight modification. I will sit on my counter in my kitchen and move the drawer back and forth with my foot while we chat. I will also move the tab on my beer can back and forth over and over again. I consume more alcohol than I generally do on a Monday night (before 8pm) and lose my train of thought more than once. I blame this on the fact that none of my time is spent worrying about/consuming cigarettes. Friend goes home. Still no cigarettes.

Conclusion: I still have not smoked. Almost 48 hours. If I make it to this weekend, I will buy myself the Armani sunglasses at the consignment shop. It's cheaper than if I would have bought cigarettes this week. (This may sound ridiculous, but this consignment shop is incredible AND legit. Armani sunglasses, here I come.) Also. I keep getting "scared". I'm not sure why I'm scared to not have a cigarette in my hand, but I am until I objectively think about how ridiculous it is to be afraid of not having a cigarette in your hand is.

I've never been awesome with this "blogging" thing. I'm still not sure where the term "blog" came about, so that makes me even more "incredible"..... not. So maybe this is the first AND last blog regarding my out-of-the-blue decision to quit smoking. I just figured it would be a good way to track it... and a good way to express what was really going on during this. This "smoke-free life" sounds amazing when the residual want to smoke (finally) ceases... For now, it's just another "distraction".

Goodnight. Wish me luck tomorrow.