A brief history of my love affair with tobacco.

At 15, my father swore on my head (literally, he placed his hand on my forehead) that he would never smoke another cigarette. I remember being in tears, sitting at the foot of my parents' bed, not understanding why anyone would smoke a cigarette. Truth be told, at that point in my life, I understood the point of other drugs, but cigarettes did not make sense to me. I didn't grasp why they were so addictive considering that my impression of them was that they gave you no reasonable high. I was so concerned at that point for my parents' health and it was devastating knowing something so (as I thought at the time) simple to give up would lead to the demise of one or both of the people I love the most.

My dad still maintains that quitting was the hardest thing he's ever done, that he loved cigarettes, and if there were no downfalls to smoking, he would love to have another. Many more, I'm sure. He also keeps reminding me that it gets easier. By the way, he's been smoke-free for 11 years and so has my mother. (My mom maintains that it took her nothing to quit. I believe her. She's lucky.)

Anyway, I went through another six years not understanding cigarettes or what benefit one was granted by smoking them. I had many friends that smoked and a few boyfriends and I had no desire to pick up the habit. The funny thing was, I never cared if anyone else smoked. It wasn't a passionate cause of mine to stop people from smoking. It wasn't my business to tell people how to live their lives, nor was it my responsibility. Eventually, when I figured out how to sneak into bars before age of 21, I began smoking. At the time, I only smoked in a social setting (bar) while intoxicated. 

One thing led to another. I was in beauty school at the time and I felt I needed a getaway from time to time from the 100+ other students. Mostly women. This will be the only time I will ever justify my smoking habit. I NEEDED CIGARETTES IN BEAUTY SCHOOL. I'm won't go into extreme detail, but it was rough. Those who worked their way through it without some sort of crutch are to be nothing but commended. 

So here's the history of events so far. Stage one. Intolerant. Stage two. Tolerant. Stage three. Social smoker. Stage four. Daily smoker.

Do you have any idea as to what happens next? I'll skip a few stages and just give you a rundown of how, more recently, a day would go if I were smoking at max force that day.

In the car, three cigarettes. Before work occasionally, one cigarette. Break one, two, and three, cigarette(s). Walking to my car after work, cigarette. Drive home, three cigarettes. Have a glass of wine, cigarette(s). Drive to the store, cigarette(s). Eat breakfast on a lovely Saturday morning and sit on my patio afterwards to drink coffee, cigarette. Bar, outside to smoke cigarettes at least once an hour. Doing a friends hair, cigarette(s). I think I've made my point. 

And now we're on day five. I've called on my parents a lot lately for support. I've done things that I had forgotten that I was capable of doing without tobacco involved. I've drank, gone to a bar, gone on break, driven (multiple times), walked to my car after work. I've survived. I haven't lashed out on anyone yet. It's O.KAY. The biggest reason I don't want to start again is that I don't want to stop again. 

My senses of taste and smell have arrived home from a long vacation. I learned that I do not like cabernet, I like merlot. Before, they tasted exactly the same to me. In fact, cabernet makes me dry-heave a little. My workplace has a very lovely smell. Really. It's fresh and clean. I like it. My hair smells like my expensive shampoo, finally. The only real issue I'm still having is that my throat is dry and (not to overshare) is purging itself of a lot of grossness. Everyone I've talked to has advised me that this will stop in a couple of weeks after I've quit. So, great. Nine days of that left, max. I can do it.

P.S. Nicotine gum has helped. I have only chewed five pieces total. It takes the edge off, but it makes my stomach hurt terribly and numbs my mouth. After a few minutes of chewing it, my entire mouth starts to get dry and chalky and then my throat hurts. I hate the stuff. So there.